Friday, April 12, 2013

Chief Complaint: ???

Once a week we go to Firm Rounds with all the nurse practitioners and physicians in the hospital that can attend.  Each week a different "interesting case" is presented.

I don't work every Firm Rounds day, so I don't go to every single one of these. But, when I am working I almost always go. And it's usually a great learning experience.

Until yesterday.

I walked in, sat down in the back and looked up at the power point projected on the large white screen.

Chief Complaint:
Vaginal Flatulence

What!?!?  Really?? We are going to talk about a teenage girl with vaginal flatulence for an entire hour?

No thanks! My first thought was to out of there very fast.  My second thought was to text the other APN I was working with to tell him the exciting topic.

He almost immediately text me back: "That sounds horrific. I'm definitely not coming. In fact, I threw up in my mouth just now."

Ha! And so there I sat, the lone PICU representative, through the entire hour listening to this crazy case.

And I'd love to say that I learned something incredible.  Or even just something.  But, really, I just came away laughing.

Mostly because the only thing that I can really remember (I must have blocked out a lot!) is the moderator...a male doctor in his upper 60s or 70s...who said, "I was told the other day by the head of surgery that everyone has vaginal flatulence.  Everyone.  It's very common."

Then there were snickers around the entire room.  And then he turned a bright shade of pink as he realized what he said, and responded, "I mean, I don't have it.  It is still very common...just common for anyone who has a vagina."

And yes, there were definitely more snickers from around the room.

So I guess vaginal flatulence made for a very interesting, if not entertaining chief complaint.  At any rate, next week can only go up from here!


  1. Ummmmm ok. I'm with you, I think I would started looking at my pager (even though I don't have one) like it was going off & I had something important to attend to as I slipped (ran) out of the room!!

  2. I'm surprised he didn't call it the technical term...vart or a queef. LOL

  3. Hahaha, how on earth did you not start laughing out loud there? ;) Well done for that! :)

  4. Candi- yeah I'm still amazed that I sat through it all!! That pager should have been good for something!

    Milla- oh there were plenty of laughs...I wasn't the only one!

    Anonymous- oh how I wish I knew who you were b/c that was quite possible the best comment I have ever gotten! Thanks for that laugh!!